Just accept it. That’s what Arthur said, after he texted me again to remind me, celebrate me, acknowledge me, yet again. I did it. I get to bask in it. I get to let it soak into the crevices that are me. I haven’t let it in, not all the way. It felt surreal. I get to let it in.
I am not my results, and I am not defined by my results. And, based on results, I did a fucking amazing job of captaining, leading, and holding the line. I am not my results, and I am responsible for results. Results do not define me, and they do indicate who I’ve been being and what I’ve been doing. And based on results… there is a lot to be proud of.
I am. I am proud. I’m proud of my team, my coaching team, and of me. I’m proud of the learning, the elevation for myself. I’m proud of outpromoting the promotiest promoter, and of having Caramia tell me I was being promotier than her. “Transformation is real!” I am proud that I was acknowledged as being empowering, nurturing, loving, big-hearted. I am not proud that I wasn’t seen as joyous and joyful… and… I am okay with it. The way I was being worked. I get to own what worked, and what didn’t. And what worked is that I led a team of leaders. Popcorn leaders as they were, they all had a taste, an opportunity to see themselves in leadership.
Part of my vision in Captaining was to develop leaders. I feel like I did that. I feel like I brought leadership alive. It’s in baby steps. But it’s there. And they see it and feel it. I see future captains on my team. Definitely the potential for them to be is most definitely there. And whether they choose it or not I get to continue to develop.
I don’t know where this all lands or will go, but for right now, here is what I know.
I know my worth.
I know my value.
I not only know it but own it.
I know I can do hard things, and that they don’t have to be hard.
I know I can do beautiful things, create beautiful things, and have FUN while I do it.
I know I am loved, that I love, and that people feel my love.
I know I am a leader others would follow, that others would aspire to be like, and that inspires leadership and ownership in others.
I know that my tendency to problem solve and manage has a place, and that when I lead with vision, coach with vision, hold vision, and live in vision, it comes alive in others, and they self manage and self problem solve.
I know that my leadership can be tender, healing, and fierce all at the same time.
I know that others may be triggered by me. That the leader they are may not always appreciate who I am… and that’s okay. I can still hold them, see them, and hold them high, without needing to hide any part of me.
I am valued, I matter, and I know it at a new level. I let it sink in at a new level.
I am still human. I still hurt. I still breathe, and with every breath I still get to be responsible for who I’m being and what I’m creating. Truth is, I’m a powerful creator.
I can hold love and hold my value. I can be soft and I can be fearless. I am love, and I am powerful.
I am beyond capable, and I trust what I see and feel. It has merit, value, and worth. It is often accurate and even when it’s not, I am curious and open and I learn.
I can be passion, joy, love, and light, and I may still have people around me be triggered. I may still have people want me to make them feel better, good, loved, celebrated, or whatever they are looking for. I am responsible for who I am being and what I am creating — and they get to be responsible for how they are feeling and their responses and reactions to it.
And when I reach for lightness, I first get to let go of the heaviness I carry on my chest, to hold the power of responsibility without hanging onto the heaviness of it, the weight and worry and agony of it.
I am responsible, I am willing to be responsible for it all, and part of the responsibility can even be responding when others are not happy with what I’ve created. I don’t need to change their experience to respond with shifting myself and who I am being or where I am standing.
I create results, with passion, commitment, dedication, determination, joy, love, courage, integrity, letting go of my worthiness conversations, my enoughness conversations, and owning courageously and vulberably the power that I am, the love that I am, and the tenacity that I am.
When I come from love, vision, power, joy, passion, and integrity … anything is possible, everything is possible…. Because I say so.
I am love. I am me. I am loved. I am me. I am worth. I am me. I am light. I am me. The way I love matters, and I love and am loved deeply.
This is me.
LAS4 - 105 hearts enrolled. All but 3 chose life initially on lifeboat. Record breaking individual enrollments with Justin at 34 hearts enrolled. DOUBLE the original record.
This is just the beginning. I am a lighthouse.
This is me.
